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Sunday, May 31, 2009

Seasons of Love

“525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear

 525,600 minutes how do you measure, measure a year

 In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee

 In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life…”

I really love this song the first time I heard it and saw it being performed in a movie trailer of Rent-the movie. I dunno, it just makes me think of how my life has turned into after all the years I’ve existed. Have I done good to others? Or hurt anyone along the way? Have I lived my life worthily, or am I just running in circles? 

For the past 26 years of my life, I’ve met so many people: family, friends from school and work, my first love… And all of them have taught me the singlest, most important lesson that you could learn, and that is you really couldn’t quantify or put numerical value on love and happiness that you share with others because doing so would just make you less of a person. Why? Because if you count the times that you have loved or make others happy, you’re just putting limitations on how you would affect others’ lives thus eventually making your world smaller, an antithesis really of being human.

“525,600 minutes, 525,000 journeys to plan

 525,600 minutes how can you measure the life of a woman or man

 In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried

 In bridges he burned, or the way that she died…”

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Thank you for the support!

Hi guys! A few days from now, I’ll be celebrating my blog’s first monthsary! Yay! How fast time really flies…hay. Though it started on a not-so-good note (obviously), I can’t discount the fact that writing through this blog really helped me in a lot of ways. I was able to release all negative emotions, share my experiences and views with others, and the most important, I was able to practice my writing skills again which I think I unintentionally neglected due to being busy with work and stuff. At least I was able to practice my degree again, hehe.

Since one of the goals of this blog is to share experiences with others, I’m also happy to note that people are really starting to acknowledge its presence. Yes, people do read my blog, believe it or not, hahaha! I would like to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for your unwavering support to this blog. Your comments/reactions do serve as my inspiration to continue blogging my past experiences and share to you my points of view about life in general. I would also like to specifically thank Dany and his friend (the Baguio Boys, hehe) for not failing to email me, showing their full support, and encouraging me to write more - Salamat guys! Don’t worry po, since you’re my avid readers, you’re request is definitely granted :) Just stand by for my next entries and I hope you’ll like them too, hehe.

Again, thanks guys for the support! See yah on my next blog entry :)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Of F-F and D-A-B-D-A...

I was held up! Nope, not by holduppers, but by Fitness First. Hahaha! Actually, I had my membership fee auto-debited every month, but since my card declined for this month due to my monthly installment payment for my phone (which will end this August, thank God!), I had no other choice but to pay over the counter. I planned to pay last Saturday but since I just came from work and still groggy due to lack of sleep and the unfortunate event in the office (Martial law’s back guys), I had to postpone it and opted to pay it Monday since my mom and I planned to go to my healthcard company anyway. After finishing our transaction with the healthcard company, my mom and I had to separate ways since she had to stay to Cubao, and I went to Robinsons Metro East, where my Fitness First branch is located. I went there knowing that I have to pay this certain amount for my membership this month of May. After arrival , I immediately went to the desk and asked how much should I pay. Lo and behold! They told me a higher amount. I forgot the late payment fee guys! Hahaha! Aside from the standard payment, I paid an additional 4oo Pesos. It’s just fortunate that I have an extra money with me, or else I’ll die with embarassment there. Well, since I don’t have any choice, I brought out my money blindly from my wallet and gave it willingly to the cashier albeit half-heartedly. You know what’s funnier? I haven’t been in the gym since the first month I joined. Hahaha! 

Yesterday still, I watched the Sweet Life with Lucy Torres, and guess what’s the topic; how to deal with a broken heart and move on! Nice huh. They had interesting set of guests and it was very thoughtful of the show to include IC Mendoza, showing the diversed situations in being brokenhearted. Funny is, we had a little bit of similarities when it comes to how we’ve felt after the failed relationship. We both felt we’ve been taken advantage of, though we couldn’t fault our former partners since we didn’t ask anything in return, all because of love.  

I’ve learned so many things after watching the show. They said it is ok to let it out, to grieve, since all people undergo such process after being brokenhearted. And I learned about DABDA. What’s that? That stands for Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance. Honestly, I’m still undergoing the process. It’s funny ’cause I know the exact timeframe when I felt each stage  of emotions, and after assessing myself, I think I’m still at the Depression stage, but don’t worry though since I think I’m already at the end part of it, and slowly transitioning to the Acceptance stage. I know I can’t force it for me to be A-ok, but at least I’m getting there.

Hay, it’s working day again, I can’t wait for Friday…hehe.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

MiXeD nUtS!

At long last! I’m here again blogging my heart and mind away, hehe. It’s been a while since I’ve written here huh. I can’t say I’ve really missed writing since I’m not a writing-kind of person, but I could say because of past events, I’m quite addicted now in blogging. My friends even told me that I’m making this my diary already. But isn’t that the main reason why blogs came into being? To be our online diary? Maybe the only difference is that blogs like this one I have are very public. There are so many reasons why people set up their blogs, well like I’ve said before, for me it’s therapeutic. It helps me release stress brought about by emotional burdens. And so far so good! I’m starting to confront life again, head on. I’ve accepted that when you love someone, you must be ready with all the consequences that might happen. It’s just unfortunate that mine did not prosper like I have planned or intended, but that’s life. For every door closed, there’s another one being opened for us. It’s just for us to decide whether we want to stand infront of that closed door forever, or move on and look for other doors being opened for us. Doors that may lead to better things and people who would eventually be more deserving of our attention. But as for me, I’ve already chosen to leave that closed door behind, and look for bigger and better doors.

What a week that was!  A lot of things happened, not necessarily about me, but also within our country and the world in general. There was this video scandal of Dr. Hayden Kho, the love interest of doctor to the stars, Dr. Vicki Belo, that really shook the country. Even Malacanan had already reacted on this! My take on this issue? Though I’m sympathetic to the girls in the videos (if they really don’t know they’re being videoed), I really can’t waste my precious time delving into this issue, since it doesn’t concern me in the first place. Besides, I believe that if more and more people patronize this issue, we’re just giving more reasons for others to profit from this unfortunate incident. So guys, let’s just leave this to the government agencies concerned, and move on. Remember there are more important issues to focus on. Issues that could literally change the course of our future and the country’s future in general. Yes, I’m pertaining to the Presidential elections next year.

I commend the COMELEC for making sure that elections next year would be fully automated. You know, I’m a firm believer of an automated election because for me, the faster the votes are casted, counted and canvassed, the lesser the time we give those evildoers to tinker the actual results of the election. It would mean that the people we would place in government, are the people who have our mandate. That would show the world that democracy really works and is very vibrant here in the Philippines. I also commend the different groups who would serve as watchdogs and guardians of our ballots. They are giving utmost service to us all, us ordinary citizens who for so many years have been taken advantage of by people greedy for power. Let’s do our share guys. In our own little ways, like just voicing our support for them would be a big morale boost for them.

Finally, the situation that we are most afraid of happening yet being anticipated has arrived. Influenza A(H1N1) has landed here in our country! Though it’s not an outbreak (yet), it’s just a little bit concerning that it’s already here. So guys, don’t forget to always wash your hands before and after eating, touching things being touched by others, and if you could help it, avoid crowded places. Remember, H1N1 is an airborne type of virus so it could easily be transferred from one person to another. Heed all government warnings, and also do our part in containing this virus and preventing this from being spread around by being hygienic.

Wow!  Different topics in just a single entry huh. I think I would like this kind of set-up, hehe.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Standby...

It’s been a long time since my last entry, ayayayay. Actually, this would only be a very short one too since I’m still consolidating my thoughts about different things that I want to write about. Let’s just say I’m having a li’l bit of situation called writers’ block so I opted to relax for a while from writing. But don’t worry guys, especially to those who are frequent visitors of my blog, this block’s just temporary and I’ll be writing again on Saturday bout ALOT of things that happened during this past week, so please stand by…

Monday, May 18, 2009

In My Life


Hi guys! Just want to post this… I know some of you would be somewhat surprised by the pictures below, but hold your horses! It’s just for movies guys so huwag seryosohin ha. I actually saw the pictures in philstar.com while reading Ricky Lo’s Funfare column, you know what? sobrang napanganga ko! Not because of the hug per se, na-amaze ako kasi super realistic nung dating nila. It’s like they’re so much in love with each other talaga. Just look at their faces :) I predict this would become the biggest movie of the year, and I’ll definitely watch this :)


I wonder what would JLC-Sarah fans would say on this…hmm…hehe :)

Photos courtesy of Star Cinema and Philstar.com/Ricky Lo. No copyright infringement intended while posting these pictures.




Happiness is...

Hay…today is exactly the third month of you-know-what, and I thought I don’t need to write anything for today here in my blog since I’ve already told/written everything about that fateful day during my last entry. But I think it would be a disservice for me or even for those who are reading my blog entries if I won’t write something today, hehe. I know it sounds self-indulgent and so assuming of me but this is mine anyways so move on, hahaha!

I was ‘talking’ (Texting actually) to my bex Jaeleen earlier. We had discussions about our past loves, her present loveydovey, the different sweet gestures I would like my future beau would do for me which you-know-who didn’t do, etc. But our discussion ended with her wishing me strength to surpass the sadness I’m into right now, to be patient and just wait for happiness and love to come because true love waits.

But truly, what is happiness? Can it be measured by the amount of money you have in your pockets? Or the gifts that you are constantly showered with? Or the number of friends that you have? Can you find your happiness by loving another person actually? Or by hurting another? Or is it found within?

After all the things that I’ve experienced, especially in the recent past, I’ve learned that happiness is really a very vague concept. You can’t actually judge people as hypocrites if they say the more wealth they have, the happier they will be, because they might have experienced extreme poverty. Some people find happiness either through giving or receiving because they feel their importance by doing so. Some are happy when they are with another person and some are happy being alone. 

Fortunately and unfortunately, I’ve seen all these kinds of happiness, experienced some even. That’s why for me, though it is immeasurable most of the time, happiness is too costly. Not because of wealth or material things, but because some people could only compare happiness in relation to happiness of others. That to attain ultimate happiness, hurting others is inevitable. 

After all the bad events that happened, one of the very important lessons I’ve learned is not to rely on other people’s  happiness for you to be happy as well. Not because you don’t want to be happy, but because there are no assurances that all the things that you gave or the efforts that you did will be reciprocated or even be appreciated enough. That for you to be happy, you must be happy only for your own good. It may sound so selfish, but it’s reality.

“Reality Bites”

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Suicide

…..

….

..

.

NopE! I’m not comtemplating that, definitely not, so don’t worry! Hahaha :D I’m just thinking for an effective title and I think this would really get people’s attention so since you’re reading this right now, thank you for the concern, hehe.

To be honest, I planned to write this entry on Sunday, the 17th of May since it marks the 3rd month since my ex texted me and said we’re on the wrong track so we should call our ‘relationship’ off. I know, I know, you’ll think why still bother counting those days and spending too much time for that piece of crap, well, I can’t help it! Maybe because my ego was hurt since he was the one who dumped me and not the other way around? Nope, sorry not that since I loved him sincerely and ego was way out of my thinking back then. I think because up to this day, I still have so much questions why it happened. These questions are rhetorical in nature, questions that I know wouldn’t be answered directly or even wouldn’t receive answers at all.

Is it really that simple to just fall out of love while two days ago you’re both so much in love? That even though you’ve cemented that love with a kiss, you’re relationship just gaining momentum, and you’re already planning how to celebrate your 1st year anniversary when in fact your love was just 2 weeks old, then a couple of days after he’s abandoning you? Why me? Do I deserve this kind of hurt? Am I that bad a person? Why me being the guinea pig in the relationship? Why?

How do you determine if someone loves you or he’s just testing the waters, trying to know if he could venture in this kind of relationship? I just felt like a mouse being in love with an eagle actually. Pathetic me. Falling prey willingly to his predator. I know this comparison is somewhat unfair, but this is how I felt, how I feel even right up to this moment.

Yes it is easy to just say move on, or when you love somebody set him free, if he’s yours he’ll come back to you, if he doesn’t, he’s not yours at all (this is he’s new beau’s shoutout by the way). But you see, love is also selfish, it is because you depend some of your happiness on that love, and who’s the idiot that wants that happiness to cease or be taken away from him, right?

Like what a song says, ‘So many questions, but the answers are so few’, and I think I just have to resign myself to the fact that these questions wouldn’t be answered at once, or even at all. After writing all these, you might conclude that I still love that piece of crap…maybe…maybe no…and thinking all these is like really commiting suicide over and over again. I hope though that the next time I’m on the edge of that very high building, gearing up to jump off again, someone would hug me or hold my hands and pull me off from that edge, stopping me from doing that jump, making sure that I’m okay and eventually showing me that I don’t need that old crap anymore, that life is really beautiful, that living again is worth it, and loving again is more meaningful the next time around.

“Live the life. Love life. Love love.”

Friday, May 15, 2009

Pajama Day!


Today’s another special day in the office…because it’s I LOVE BED Day! Hehe, well, let me expound on this. Our company the InterContinental Hotels Group, and its chain of Hotels worldwide, has recently launched a promotional campaign called I Love BED wherein frequent guests of our hotels could win free nights stay in our different hotel brands (e.g. Holiday Inn, Crowne Plaza, Candlewood, etc.). As a show of support to this campaign, PHLRO-Philippine Reservations Office, declared this day as Pajama day! The Reservations Agents, and other departments including us, are encouraged to be in our Pajamas/sleepwears and those who would be selected wearing the  best sleepwear (how weird is that?) will win I LOVE BED Items (no complaints there, hehe). Our counterparts in the different parts of the world have already launched the same campaign and now, it’s the Philippines time to shine!

Oh, by the way, all of us will be given our cookies and milk later. Hope it’s Oreos… :)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Turn the beat around!

It’s funny and amusing really how pinoys view life in general; that when something is already breaching the norms of seriousness, we tend to make it as hilarious as it can be, therefore making things light to carry and understand but still not losing the intended message. Why did I say this? Because that’s what happened to my blog entry yesterday, the one entitled “Overhaul.”

I told my team mates that I have a new blog entry and they should read it so I would know what they think about it. But since their curiousity has already been piqued, I have no choice but to forward it to their emails instead. After reading it, most of them expressed their positive reviews, but the most amusing reaction was when one of them transformed my blog entry into a declamation piece! Maybe he was so inspired with all the quotable quotes I have written there that we were laughing so hard when he delivered it. I didn’t know It could be delivered that way! Hahaha. But honestly, I really appreciate their reactions because they’ve shown me that for every bad thing that happens, there’s always a way for making it lighter and more manageable. That life is what you make of it. That you have the option of bearing all the heavy loads of the world and be miserable about it, or turn things around and make them your source of inspiration to strive for the best and eventually be happy. Well, I choose the latter :)
By the way, Prism RL Team has a new motto : From the ashes, I rise!
©

Hahahaha!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Overhaul

After another heart-wrenching sequences of events yesterday, I thought it was deemed necessary to make an overhaul of my friendster account. And now, I would like to welcome you guys officially to my newly renovated friendster profile. An overhaul that I think was long overdue. This profile represents the new me, the new Mikee. The one who’s a fighter, but an intelligent fighter, a fighter with grace, fighting for his own dignity and self-esteem that was so much battered by blind love. 

I don’t hate love, I love the concept of love in fact, but now I’ll be cautious enough and wise enough to discern who is and who is not worthy of the love I could give openly. 

Like the wolf, I’ll be an intelligent fighter, a fighter whose experience is his teacher, a fighter who lurks first in the dark, planning his next steps, making sure that what he does, he does it with ease, assuring victory.

So to those who made the wrong move of hurting me, causing me pain, took advantage of my naivety and good faith, of my love I regrettably gave easily and freely, don’t be threatened, I dare say be afraid… BE VERY AFRAID, for I’ll make sure that when our paths cross again, you won’t forget that exact time and place, regretting causing me the hurt I’ve so long endured.

Now, finally, I’m happily releasing myself from the old ways, the old feelings, from the people in my past both far and definitely near, who in some ways have contributed to this overhaul.

 From the ashes, I rise

Monday, May 11, 2009

My Spag

Just had my friends visit me yesterday. As my post-birthday celeb, side-by-side with Mothers’ day, nagluto ako ng aking ipinagmamalaking spaghetti at bumili ako ng cake for my mom. Though nanakit ang right arm ko with the preparation and cooking proper, i think it was a success naman dahil box office ang spaghetti ko! Hahaha, sobrang natuwa naman ako at nagustuhan ng mga friends ko yung luto ko a, nakadalawa pa ng kuha, hehehe. Kaya I plan to cook again this coming June then I’ll bring it to Sta.Rosa so my friends there could also taste my famous spag. Naku, sana magustuhan din nila, the pressure is definitely on! Hahahaha!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Momma's Day!

Sa lahat ng ina sa buong mundo, maligayang araw po ninyo. Nawa’y sa araw na ito ay maramdaman ninyo kung gaano namin ipinagpapasalamat sa Diyos na kayo ang aming naging ina. Salamat sa pagmamahal na walang hanggan at walang kapalit. Salamat sa pasensiya at pagtitiyaga sa katigasan ng aming mga ulo. Huwag sana kayong magsawa sa inyong pag-aaruga sa amin. :)

Seafood Island

I just got home from a dinner/meeting with my former college housemates held at Seafood Island resto in Araneta Center Cubao. Sobrang saya since it was my first time eating there, and mind you, libre siya from Kar and Turo, hehe. The food was like Gerry’s grille, but I like the concept of Boodle fight, wherein food were served mixed in a very large (table-sized) tray covered with banana leaves. Sobrang nakaka-enhance ng bond kasi you share food with your close friends. One time nga at magdadala me ng friends there, hehe. Since it was my birthday last week, ako na yung sumagot ng drinks naming lahat, mejo napamahal ata (I paid 700+ for drinks alone a) but its all worth it since these people are my second family already. Sayang lang at di kami kumpleto.

Neways, aside from dinner, one other reason why we’ve met was to discuss plans for Karkar’s wedding on June 20. Actually, planado na naman lahat down to the minute details of the program during reception of guests, but I guess meeting to polish the plan is a good enough reason to meet. Hopefully maging maayos ang lahat ng preparations at maging smooth-sailing ang kasal nina Kar.

Hay, daming kinakasal ngayon a? There was Phol and Larry’s, Juday and Ryan’s, Mar and Korina’s (malapit na) and sa June si Kar and Turo. Naiinggit tuloy ako, hehe. Can’t wait for my Prince to come… I love weddings…

Friday, May 8, 2009

TGIF!

Thank God It’s Friday! YaY! Hehe, actually di pa naman end ng day for me since I still have work tonight, but at least it’s the end of the work week, besides tomorrow’s our pay day. Yahoo! Yayaman na naman si Mike, and I’m very much satisfied with my pay increase, kahit pano naramdaman ko naman siya. Yes guys, you heard it right! Even through this time of crisis, e nakapag-pay increase pa ang company namin, I feel so blessed right now at dito ako nilagay ni Lord. Salamat Bro! hehe.

Neways, I’m starting to feel the heaviness in my eyes now, kadadating ko lang from work e. And I’m really looking forward for tomorrow’s event coz I’m meeting my College Housemates, magbo-blow out kami ni Kar, she because as a sign of gratitude to the others who are helping her preparing her wedding (nainggit tuloy ako…Joke!) and me since I’ve just celebrated my Birthday last Sunday.

Well, hopefully mas maganda ang araw bukas so we could enjoy it really well…At wala sanang bagyo, literally or figuratively, hehe ;P

Thursday, May 7, 2009

ZZZzzzzz...

O gosh, what a week! Though it’s drawing to a close, there are still remaining days to watch out for. It has been a week full of drama but at the end of it all, I believe that it would still finish beautifully with all the lessons learned making me stronger as a person. 

Finally, I could sleep peacefully.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Salamat...

…sa lahat ng kaibigan ko who never left me during this time of sadness and hurt. Salamat sa lahat ng words of wisdom and encouragement. With you, I get my strength to face this emotional turbulence I’m currently experiencing, but I assure you guys na I would be okay, not right now, but soon.

…ke Jomski, who served as my inspiration, my first love. Salamat sa lahat ng pagmamahal, sa lahat ng times when you thought about me. Salamat for making me experience this kind of love. Salamat sa happy and not so happy times. I forgive you and I hope you would forgive me too sa lahat ng naging lapses ko sayo these past few days. I sincerely wish you and Jigs happiness and I hope you would still find it in your heart for us to be friends someday.

…ke God. Because He is love and I know I’ve felt all of these because of love, because of Him. Salamat sa everyday lessons na binibigay nya saken, because through these lessons, I become a better person.

Sa inyong lahat…Salamat.

MAD Sucks!

I really hate this song! Very untrue. But why everytime nasa jeep ako, laging ito ang naririnig ko? Is the universe really making a MOCKERY of me?

When to say sorry...

It’s been a day since I’ve started blogging, pouring out all the hurt I’ve felt regarding my ‘failed relationship’ with him. I would say I haven’t really moved on totally but at least the transition had began already and I know I’m getting there, I will be there. For the meantime, I can’t help but think back to the times when he would say sorry. Was he sincere during the times he was telling that to me? 

If he’s sorry, bakit naulit lang lahat nung ginawa niya sakin? Why the consistent insensitivity? Siguro nga totoo yung saying na ‘you can’t teach old dogs new tricks’ pero hindi naman tayo dogs di ba? We are humans who have the capacity to think and analyze things, who can easily adjust, to change. Or is it that napakadali lang sabihin ang word ’sorry’ para mapagtakpan lahat ng pagkakamali niya at makaiwas from being embarrased dahil lumalabas ang totoong ugali niya. 

Poor ’sorry’…I hope he would learn about the essence of the word and when’s the right time it should be said. Gasgas na gasgas kasi ang sorry sa kanya e, wala naman siyang effort na magbago. I’m so sorry for him…

Monday, May 4, 2009

One Last Cry...

Woke up this morning with the feeling of pain of yesterday’s events just sinking in. Had doubts about my actions, of finally cutting ties with him, doubted if I could still fight for my love for him…but everything’s been said and done already and I know I have to be strong and stand for the decision I’ve made.  I know I won’t be able to erase him totally from my mind and my heart, being my first romantic love ever. But I know this pain I’ve felt would eventually heal, if not make me numb over time, and someone would make me smile again and wipe these tears away. Someone who would be deserving of my love. Someone who would finally give me the respect I’ve longed for in a relationship.

Finally, I had my one last cry over him this morning. Cries of pain, of regrets for wasted efforts and time; but it was a cry combined with a sigh of relief. Relief caused by freedom from pain, from the thoughts of him, from him. One last cry…

Now, I’m ready for a new beginning, a new chapter in my life, a new love. But make no mistake, thanks to him, I love myself now more than ever.

Birthday Drama

Grabe! What a day. What a birthday in fact. I can’t believe that I’m writing my first blog na ganito ang topic. Actually, February pa naman kami nag-break pero mahal ko yung tao e, kaya andon parin yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya, kaya di naman ako masisisi na masaktan ako sa ginawa niya. The nerve! Nagpunta me ng Laguna to be with friends, at kasama na siya don. Magtext ba naman at humingi ng permission kung pwede daw magsama ng someone? On my birthday? Ganun na ba ko kawalang halaga na di man lang niya isinaalang-alang yung mararamdaman ko? I know wala na kong karapatan sa kanya pero sana naisip niya noon, at alam kong alam at nararamdaman pa rin niya, na I still care for him and sana not on my special day! 

Dahil sa ginawa niyang yon, he destroyed the small remaining friendship na pilit kong sinalvage at inoffer sa kanya. I finally talked to him at binuhos kong lahat ang hinanakit at sama ng loob na binigay niya sa kin during our short-lived relationship. Sinabi kong I felt used at I felt na nag-iisa lang akong nagcare sa relationship namin noon with the all the efforts na ginawa ko. Di siya nakasagot dun. I know he felt guilty with that dahil nakayuko siya all the time na naglilitanya ako. Well, that suits him right. Sana mangyari sa kanya ang lahat ng ginawa niya sakin at nang marealize niya kung gano kasakit.